Damn you Nicki Minaj!

Augh. I just had the most awful dream last night. I dreamt that I was browsing the web when I came across Nicki Minaj’s website, which she was co-hosting with Lil Wayne for some promotional thing. The browser window was filled with flashing neon-coloured pixels and photos of Nicki Minaj and Lil Wayne’s face popping up everywhere like some horrible .gif gone wrong from 2003.

Nevertheless, I became mesmerized by the site. It was as if the intermittent and strategic appearances of their faces, along with the droning electronic sounds flooding into my ears, were some morse code for suggested consumerism. Suddenly in the middle of the page, obscured by the coloured pixels, was a red link that said, “Would you like to take advantage of our promotion??”

a rough approximation of the dream

My hand sprung on the mouse and clicked the link instantly before it could disappear in the pixelated chaos. The link brought me to a white page full of legal babble. It stipulated that I was responsible for and accepting of any surcharges, fees, or penalties charged to me by the airline and that I would not hold Nicki Minaj, Lil Wayne, or anything of their subsidiaries responsible. Of course I just scrolled through it and was like, “Yeah yeah yeah accept terms and conditions.”

As soon as I clicked the link, a felt that sinking in my stomach and knew that I had made a huge mistake. As the webpage refreshed I was horrified to see that the flight for my first leg to Korea had been exchanged for some other flight to Georgia for the Nicki Minaj/Lil Wayne concert. I stared horrified at the itinerary details: they were blank. Departure date: blank. Return date: blank!

How was I going to catch my connecting flight to Korea?! Now I was trapped in some evil Nicki Minaj/Lil Wayne limbo, bound to it by that stupid e-contract I had foolishly accepted all terms and conditions to! (Which, I came to realized, included the legal obligation to make good on my purchase and go to their concert, whenever it was, or face the legal repercussions). On top of that, I had a $150 fine from my airline for canceling my flight to Korea.

Oh shit oh shit! What the fuck do I do?! WHAT AM I GOING TO TELL MARTA?!?!

Thus the dream ended.

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