Well, tonight’s the last night to make up my mind about who I’m voting for since I’m heading to the post office tomorrow to express mail my ballot to Canada.
And hey, it’s been great, Quebec, what with reviving all this nostalgia for home with your petty politics, but I think it’s time to call it a day. This whole election has made me realize just how glad I am not to be living in the eternal turmoil of political corruption, stupidity, small-mindedness, racism, and essentially never-getting-anywhere-with-that-attitude rut.
Anyway, this is me feeling the most embittered I ever will about that place in which I grew up, and I’ll be happy when this whole shenanigan is over.
In the meantime, I’m posting a Buzz Feed style list of the 21 stages you go through when wielding your right as a voting citizen…
1. The eyeroll at hearing another election’s rolling around.
2. The resignation that you’re now going to spend an indecent amount of time slavishly following political drama as if it were the new hot soap opera of the month.
3. The exasperation that none of the parties have in any way improved since last time.
4. The anger that you have to vote for one of them anyway.
5. The hopelessness that anything will ever change.
6. Despite that, the rising optimism that maybe – just maybe – if you research the parties hard enough, you’ll find that golden nugget of truth that makes them worth voting for.
7. Swiftly following, the despair of disappointment that no, your country/province/municipality is just done fucked.
8. The ensuing bitterness of ever having fostered hope at all.
9. The jaded listlessness regarding following any more debates, news articles, or rebuttals: that’s enough for you forever.
10. Then a period of looking on and pitying the zealous portion of the population still rallying with such energy and involvement – as if it’ll make any difference.
11. The wake up call that oh shit voting is in one week from now…better decide quickly.
12. Snowplowing through the B.S. at top speed.
13. The falling on a decision that was your default party to vote for anyway since the last many elections.
14. The dread of waking up on voting day.
15. The flurry of anticipation as you discuss with everyone around you your last minute sentiments on parties, the future, and the deep dark pit of shit you’re about to willingly chuck your country into, God save you all.
16. The boredom of waiting in line at the voting stations.
17. The internal crying as you finally vote and tick off a shitty candidate who you only chose because it was the least shitty of other shittier ones.
18. The absurd, soaring relief that hey, at least you’ve done your duty – and you have a couple of hours of that freedom before the results are broadcasted.
19. The nail-biting agony of the results being broadcasted.
20. The horror of watching the results (even if it’s the party you voted for).
21. The whimpering to lull yourself to sleep while thinking, “What was even the point, anyway?”